Building Resilience: The Power of Listening

Episode 11 Description

What is deep listening? Why is it so important? In this episode of the We Rise Podcast, Christine Gyovai dives into the power of listening and the impact of being heard. Learn helpful tips to be an active listener and its role in fostering deep connections, honoring a person’s worth, and creating possibility.

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Key takeaways

Rekindling the art of storytelling and honoring history

Since the beginning of language, humans have used storytelling and oral traditions to pass along wisdom, honor history, and build connection with one another and in communities. It is not only up to our ancestors who have used storytelling to share valuable knowledge and experiences – we too can benefit from its power.

As shared by the International Storytelling Center, “since our lives are still intertwined with stories, it would seem that the art of storytelling should have a forever unchanging place and honor in our history and culture.” Unfortunately this art has been lost in the age of technology, and along with it, our ability to truly listen to one another.

This was precisely the catalyst that led Jerry Clower in 1973 to stand up at a highschool gymnasium in Jonesborough, Tennessee and share stories, marking the beginning of the International Storytelling Festival.

As stories are heard, connection and understanding take root, history is remembered, and communities grow closer together.

Every voice matters. The impact of being heard

Storytelling allows for a person or community’s voice to be shared. This also means someone must be there to listen.

So why is listening so important?

In sharing a relevant and personal experience, Christine’s two children were recently making pancakes together. They each had different strategies they felt would be the best approach. As tensions rose they became frustrated with one another. After the fact, when asked what would have helped the situation, they both expressed a desire to be listened to. Neither of them felt like their voices were heard.

Listening is one of the most effective tools we have for resolving conflict, improving mental health, building connection and community and decreasing isolation.

As Christine practices presence with different folks, creating space for their experiences and stories to be told, she has witnessed people overcome feelings of isolation and instead experience connection. When listened to, people begin to feel like their voice matters. This has a powerful impact on creating relationships.

Active listening as a key to deep connection

As technology has advanced and screens have become a permanent tool in our daily lives, our attention spans have decreased. Psychologist and bestselling author Tara Brach explains in her talk “The Power of Deep Listening”, we learn 85% of what we know from listening, but we are also distracted, preoccupied, or forgetful of 75%. She further shares that the average person only listens at 25% efficiency.

We are constantly distracted by notifications, emails, and text messages, all of which pull us away from being present. If we are not present, we also cannot effectively listen.

So what are some tools for being an active listener?

• Maintain eye contact
• Give verbal cues to show that you’re following along
• Wait to speak until the other person is finished
• Reflect back what you heard in the speaker’s own words
• Ask the speaker if you understood correctly or if you missed anything

Christine experienced this work in real time at a community revitalization meeting. A woman arrived late and began sharing frustrations about different concerns she had about the town and its growth. Christine hit pause, set down her pen, and made eye contact with the woman. The woman shared, Christine asked if there was anything more, and the woman shared some more, finally taking a deep breath. This woman felt heard and as a result, she was able to be fully present for the remainder of the meeting.

Listening is powerful. As we relearn what it means to actively listen to others it will create deeper connections, honor a person’s worth, and help communities move forward into new possibilities.

notable quote from christine

“Deep listening and feeling heard allows for connecting and building relationships. Listening helps people know that their voice matters, and it gives them the space and the opportunity to connect with others, which is often much easier, after they’ve been truly heard. It’s really hard to overstate how important listening truly is.”